Friday:
>>> Cozy up to the annual Secret Cinema Xmas program. This year, it’s “Creepy Christmas Films” including Santa in Animal Land and Davey and Goliath: Christmas Lost & Found. Moore College of Art & Design, 20th St. and The Parkway, 215-568-4515 ext. 4099. 8 p.m., $7.
>>> Check Beans, Alphabet Army, and SpankRock at The Five [...]

Deadline for entries in our totally friggin’ sweet year of free-Khyber contest is at 5pm TODAY. Now might be a good time to do like they do down in Florida: Vote often, and corruptly, without quite understanding the consequences.

In a related story, monkeys learn to put on pants and promptly shit them.
DN: Malagasy Giant Jumping Rats Take Over Zoo Balloon!

We simply can’t take it anymore. Craigslist casual encounters — where we usually go to feel the, uh, pulse of the city’s erotic life — has simply been over-run with either a) jokesters trying to upend the wonderful sanctimony of anonymous, freaky sex, or b) people who somehow have even dirtier minds than us. See [...]

Darlin’, you give dishonorable discharge… a bad name.
Inky: He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother (Who Just Begged Me To Shoot Him So He Wouldn’t Have To Go Back To The Shit)

We’ll let our pal Julia Factorial field this one:
There are boatloads of Jonathan Richman fans out here in this great city, and I know that the only way to get through winter, the holiday season, ensuing debt, seasonal affective disorder and a number of other things is by rejoicing in the sheer simplicity and awesomeness [...]

This one is even throwing us for a loop. The annual [Ed.: Is it annual? Dear God, please no.] “joke” issue of 34th Street has hit the stands, and boy, is it a trainwreck of wild un-funniness. Seems that this time, those wascally Ivy Leaguers have taken on the porn industry, which would be [...]

>>> Ye olden yule log goes national!
>>> Ancient Xmas greetings from those lovable moptops from Liverpool! [Link courtesy BoingBoing]
>>> And of course, as always, the Wanamaker’s/Lord & Taylor light show, in all its Davey-and-Goliath glory.
>>> (Not to be outdone, our yule-ish shindig.)

No one wanted to believe us a few weeks ago when we said everyone’s tender first-40-spot had shut down, but indeed it was true. The good news? It’ll be getting a new lease on life as soon as they fumigate the place. Which apparently is gonna take a little while.
CP: This Ain’t No Cop Shop, [...]

>>> Has Y-100’s Jim McGuinn parted ways with Cordalene, the band he pretty much co-founded? Weird.
>>> Why are people guzzling these Radler things at the Manhattan Room? It’s Yuengling Lager and Sprite. Yes, together. In the same glass! At the same time!

Party into 2005 with a belly full of some fine, fine Mediterranean and Latin-infused cuisine! This ain’t no gay hamburgers. This ain’t your mama’s meat loaf and gravy. This is a huge helping of culinary goodness — FREE — to one lucky Philebrity listener compliments of our friends at Valanni Restaurant & Lounge. And it’s [...]

The Philadephia Business Journal is reporting that the Goldenberg Group is all but ready to go on a new behemoth thingamagig at Eighth and Market. Sayeth them:
The project calls for a 25-story, 300-unit residential building that will face Chestnut Street. The developer hasn’t decided whether to make it a condominiums or apartments.
In addition, a four-story, [...]

>>> Hit up Silk City for the Version Soundsystem/Solomonic Sound soundclash and feel so fuckin’ irie that yer head will spin, dawg.
>>> We’re also gonna be the only media outlet in 15 years to tell anyone to stop by the Barbary at Frankford and Delaware. Why on earth would we do that? One, because it’s [...]

No longer content to merely crow to an entire race of people ad nauseum about how they’ve failed, failed, failed, Bill Cosby is now returning to the TV pedagogy that served him so well. His master plan to get the kids interested? Wax poetic about the virtues of four hours of homework per night. Good [...]

This is awesome! It’s like The Wire! Oh, wait, then that would mean that Philly is nothing more than the HBO version of Baltimore. We don’t know how to feel about that.
Action News: The Big Story On Action News Tonight Is That Your Weekend Buzz Is Seriously “Interrupted”

Here’s to hoping they don’t show up at one of her gigs threatening to Vicodin her to death. Not that we would know about any of that.
Pressler’s Miscellany: Never Mind The Bollocks, Here’s What’s Crap

Some folks seem to think so:
Begin forwarded message:
Subject:
Help me save SEPTA
†Body:
Dear friend,
As a result of Republican inaction, the SEPTA board has taken it upon itself to raise fares to $3 a ride, lay off workers and cut service by 20% by spring.

And so, deep in the heart of the R5 line, Conception LLC is born. What do they specialize in? T-shirts for pregnant women that say “Boy,” “Girl,” “Not Finding Out,” and so on. And why?
“It’s so in to be pregnant now and so chic,” says Seidman, 37, mother of baby Jared. “I think I was [...]

Today’s New York Times is rocking a splendiferous ode to everybody’s favorite Raccoon spin-off. By Philebrity’s calculations, that means it should be about 14 months before they make it into PhillyMag. Let the wild journey begin, boys!
NYT: The Doctor Is IN!
Related: But Cool Doug Liked ‘Em First! (PW)

Dear Readers: Ask and ye shall receive. Since we launched a couple of months ago, people have been regularly writing in, asking us all kinds of questions. How can I fleece the city? Where to I go to find a girlfriend who’ll wear momjeans for me? What is the best recipe for a scrapple sandwich? [...]