After shooting its hot black oily wad all over us and leaving us to scramble in the morning for Texas Tea equivalent of RU487, The Athos I is leaving Philly’s large, welcoming vagina, I mean, port. So far, here’s the tally.

Miles of shore still affected: 57.
Gallons spilled: Unknown, but as many as 473,500.
Condoms worn: None, dawg! Athos goes bareback all the way!
Gallons of oil and oily liquid recovered: 49,695.
Number of times Athos I tapped that ass so hard he broke it: Once, but who knows? There’s always next year!
Gallons of submerged oil recovered: 1,817.
Other items lost: One (1) pair of Vuarnet sunglasses, red scarf (1), sister’s fake ID
Tons of cleanup material and oil collected: 4,573.
Birds cleaned and released: 155.
Birds reported dead: 162.
Birds bagged: Oh, behave!
Cleanup workers: More than 1,700.
Cleanup vessels: 83.
Knowing the most-loved river in the town is now an oily, tarnished black riverly anus: Priceless.

Yeah, I guess it really was some kinda party.
Inky: Sniff, Sniff, Why Do The Best Ones Always Leave?

This entry was posted on Friday, December 31st, 2004 at 11:13 am.