Terrell Owens is dead! And much like the Jesus man, he will rise on Super Bowl Sunday, ready to suit up for the big game that his football team won’t be appearing in. But we kid — Mr. O. just has a nasty ankle sprain. We don’t kid about the Eagles being totally fucked. The skinny from their press release, the best source of unbiased information this side of Fox News:

“Owens is likely to miss the entire NFC playoffs and has an “outside chance,” according to head athletic trainer Rick Burkholder, of playing in the Super Bowl should the Eagles reach that point. Owens said late Monday that he is “confident” that the Eagles will replace him and succeed in the playoffs.”

(Much more choking after the jump.)
Fret not though, at least we still have hockey! Or we would if billionaire owners could just treat their millionaire lackeys with a modicum of respect. Crazy whiteys offered to give back 25% of their salaries! And management said not good enough! So negotiations are over, and probably no Flyers this year. Now Ed Snider’s bitching because, in addition to owning the Flyers, he owns the Wachovia Center, and can’t book any events there. Because (get this) they can’t schedule anything on dates when the Flyers would have home games. You know, those home games that aren’t going to happen? Locking out the players because he’s losing cash, and then losing even more cash! Only in America! It’s a shame only Canadians care.
And if you care about basketball, a game that is actually being played in the Wachovia Center, you’ll note that the Sixers have been sucking bizzals all year. Iverson dropped 51 last night, and they still lost to Utah.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 21st, 2004 at 11:00 am.