“Well, it’s true, they’ve found a new home… This morning, while walking Angus the dog, I saw the Ellis family ducks all loaded into the back of a pickup truck. They were all together, and as the driver (an old farmer-type man) shut the back gate of the truck, he said to Mrs. Ellis: ‘One [...]

And so he now has to pull five of his kids out of an “internet-based” charter school. Boo fucking hoo. I bet you’re wishing you’d aborted those little brats now, huh, buddy?
Inky: “Neighbors” To Santorum: Get Bent!
Related: The Wonderful Frothy Liquid!

>>> Marvel at the genius that is The Grey Video.
>>> Worry about the future of Young Buck. Wonder if this should be developed somehow as a plotline on The Wire.
>>> Gnash your teeth as, for the 45th time, the South Philly Review runs their Souf Filly Dick-shun-arry.

>>> Hey, ex-Deaniacs: Thanks to the fine folks at the Pew Trust, you are now lab rats.
>>> Payback is a bitch: Remember how we started clowning PhillyMag towel boy Sasha Issenberg and his interviews on Philly1.com a few weeks back? Well, damn, if their gumshoe cameraman Harry B. Cook didn’t track our esteemed editor at [...]

>>> Go see Badly Drawn Boy at the TLA, for something weird is happening to him: He’s getting even more awesome than he once was, but for some reason, nobody’s paying attention. Dig his new record, One Plus One Is One, here. And positively do not sleep on his opener, Adem, whose debut album, Homesongs, [...]

As we reported last week, a confab of the Fringe Festival’s Nick Stuccio and North 3rd restaurant’s Mark B. are sniffing around the RUBA Hall so that they might turn it from the world’s most awesome old-Russian-cum-hipster-ping-pong parlor to some kind of artsy fartsy Fringe space where that chick with the knitting needles can knit [...]

Aw, shucks. You know, some days, headlines just ain’t headlines without a little visit from the Weedman, knowhumsayin’? [Ed.: This is truer than you will ever know.] In his latest misadventures, NJ pot-rights whipping boy Ed Forchion gets sentenced to a year’s probation for sparking up outside the Liberty Bell. One part of the sentence [...]

Take a look at this e-flyer for Josh Wink’s Thanksgiving Eve blowout and try not to laugh/cry. The problem with DJs? They actually believe this shit.
Paper Street: In The Beginning, There Was Rhythm. And Poppers.

Somebody on Craig hasn’t yet gotten to a pretty simple fact about Philly: All the girls are poor. They just dress like rich sluts.
Craigslist: Local Producer Wants To Milk A Bad, Dated Idea

>>> Has the Cop Shop closed? Forever? Seriously? We didn’t believe it until we took a swing by there ourselves: empty shelves, no cops, no crackies, no dawn-of-the-dead clerks. For some, the venerably scummy corner market at 13th and Lombard was itself a rite of passage. For UArts freshmen, for instance, it was where you [...]

Okay. So. As we reported in ChokeWatch yesterday, this whole Monday Night Football/Desperate Housewives cross-promo went over like a balloon filled with farts at a tea party for retards. Now comes the puritanical rage. The invocation of “Mandingo.” The penalties. Oy. What’s especially weird is that, for once, T.O. is right: The sketch wasn’t that [...]

Oh my God, no wonder these kids come out as such a raging pack of douchey-lou’s. In the continuing story of America’s ever-extending of childhood, Penn kids now have “monitors” at parties, just so things stay “safe.” On one hand, it’s like: It sucks to be you. On the other: Oh, it still also sucks [...]

It seems wrong, but now that the feds can’t really lock up restauranteur/hate-magnet Neil Stein for being crooked and shady, they’re going after his 69-year-old accountant, which is just sad.
Channel 6: Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only The Numbers-Cruncher!

>>> Curious about how exactly the city’s gonna fuck up this whole scheme to give everybody free internets? So are we. But I don’t know if we’re so curious that we’d trek over to the Free Library at 7pm to attend “Why WiFi? An Educational Forum on Wireless in Philadelphia.” Lots of eggheads in attendance, [...]

We have to confess: “Ask Fergie” is the only thing we still read in PW, save for the occasional peruse of Pressler (so light on gossip! so heavy on the nothing!) but in this week’s issue, boy are these triflin’ ho’s pimpin’ out our man Fergie. Not content merely to plaster yon Fergus’ mug on [...]

>>> For once, the Hedwig singalong is somewhere other than the downstairs living room here at Casa de Philebritus. Instead, head over to “The 2nd HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH Sing a long Fundraiser, Featuring
Rocky Horror Lip Sync Performance,” which is such a long name for such a fun thing. It’s at the Rotunda [...]

In case you didn’t know from the weekend throngs of Abercrombied cubicle jockeys and their still-Anistoned mates — and hey, even they are finally getting the picture — this place totally bites it now. Hey, even the Inky knows! Silly moratorium!
Inky: Manayunk To World: “Go Away! Now Come Back!”

Philebrity and Urban Outfitters are proud to announce the winner in our Life Aquatic advance screening giveaway. The winner is… a fella by the name of Chopper Dave, who so loved the films of Wes Anderson that he busted out the old Corel Draw and went crazy. Here’s his version of a scene from Rushmore. [...]

>>> As we reported last week, local boys Hail Social have been in the midst of a back-and-forth bidding war with any number of labels. We’re hearing most recently that it looks like they’re gonna sign with Capitol Records. Damn! Nice.
>>> Meanwhile, hip-hop homos V.I.P., weirdly enough, are looking for a drummer. What on earth [...]